Br Bryan, from Mindanao in the Philippines, is a qualified civil and structural engineer. In 2014 he came in contact with the Paulist Missionaries and started his formation in 2015. Br Bryan felt that he was not called to become a priest within our congregation, but chose to be a brother catechist, as our Founder used to call the Lay-Brothers. Br Bryan studied philosophy and theology earning a Batchelor in Sacred Theology from the Loyola School of Theology at the Ateneo de Manila University. He also graduated with a Masters in Spirituality and Retreat Directing and is now a pastoral minister, a retreat director and a spiritual director. This year he has been called upon to accompany our novices during their novitiate year which is due to start in July 2026. Br Bryan shares with us some reflections about his vocational journey.
Before deciding to join the Paulist Missionaries I carried out a discernment exercise putting down my reasons in favour and against becoming a Lay-Brother within the Missionary Society of St Paul. Below I would like to share a few of these reasons.
“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Looking back on the time when I was considering my vocation, I still remember how nerve-racking it was to pray the rosary and how anxious I was when it was my turn to serve at the altar. As a young man I was not a practicing Catholic and was quite clueless about what happened in the Church. No one in my family participated in the life of the Church and I have never been an altar server or involved in any Church activities.
In 2014, while I was lecturing in one of our universities in Manila, one of my students invited me to attend a prayer meeting organised by the Paulist Missionaries in their house at New Manila. I was not interested and declined the invitation. After his second or third invitation, because of his persistence, I reluctantly agreed to join him. That prayer meeting changed my life forever! The environment was quiet and peaceful, a perfect escape from the chaotic life I was living. I fell in love with the Paulist Missionaries even though the possibility of becoming a religious had never crossed my mind; it was certainly not part of my plans.
In June 2015 I started the postulancy program. I told myself that if I did not try this way of life I would never know whether it was for me or not. A year later I started my novitiate year. I can truly understand Jesus’ words: “You did not choose me, I chose you” (John 15:16). God had chosen me long before I realized he was calling me. God works in mysterious ways. This is not where I started, but it is where grace has led me to.
The journey to become a member of a religious community as a brother or a priest requires many years of formation. Like a potter who takes his time to shape the clay into a beautiful vase, it takes time to mould us into something beautiful for God. Throughout this process we go through different stages. In the early years there is a euphoria, then comes a plateau, followed by a ‘dark night of the soul.’
The following is a poem I wrote, describing my journey in formation.
Who’s with me?
I started the journey out of curiosity
Saying to myself, I will never know,
if I will never try
With my curiosity came great fear
Fear told me that I would not make it
Fear asked, how about the life you left behind?
So, I asked to be brave,
but bravery was out of sight
But who’s with me? I was so scared
Then came joy, telling me, “Do not be afraid”
And I found a new family that I belong to.
A new phase awaits me,
inviting me to go deeper
And to dive into the unknown
But the invitation also comes with uncertainty
Making me powerless, unsafe, and insecure
So, I prayed to be confident,
but confidence was nowhere to be found
But who’s with me? I was so insecure
Then came silence
Whispering, “Stay still”
It was indeed a year of solitude.
Then, the intellectual pursuit challenged me
It was exciting at first,
with promises that were hard to resist
But darkness slowly crept in
Blinding me to see what is true
So, I cried for understanding, but it hid somewhere in the dark
But who’s with me? Darkness was so unkind
Then came the light, saying, “You are not alone”
A light was enough to see my way back home
And learned to hold on to what matters most.
More adventure awaited me
And dared me to go out of my comfort zone
New places far from home brought loneliness,
I was not expecting
Revealing just my emptiness and hurts
So, I begged to take it away
But the more it lingered and stayed
But who’s with me? This sadness was too heavy to bear
Then perseverance came, shouting, “Just go on”
And there I realized what I am made of
And learned to let go.
The final years were there to arrive
Pounding doubts in my heart
Making me uneasy with questions with no answers to find
So, I asked for clarity at least, but it was out of reach
But who’s with me? Doubting even myself
Then came faith, saying, “Trust me, we are just beginning”
And I stopped chasing for answers
but started just simply living with the questions themselves
With gratitude, I found peace at last.
Indeed, formation continues one day at a time, a lifelong journey. Now, I know who’s with me.